Alone

It's my first day home alone in 6 months. FIRST DAY! Is it sad that I cried as I stood in the window watching her drive away with Dad? So dramatic!!

A little background on me...I love being home alone. Always have since I was young. I used to beg my parents to let me stay home alone. At 8 yrs old!! Mostly, I wanted to watch the Golden Girls and 2-2-7 in peace without my brother or parents around! I guess being alone is something that has never bothered me. I have moved to cities where I know no one. I am a day dreamer, loner, and self survivor. It has served me well in hard times!

I am enjoying myself as I sit outside on the patio (see pic!) with my glass of wine, listening to music with my headphones on!! I will probably still be in the same spot when they return simply because I can. When she returns I will be so glad though that she is in my arms again. I trust Eric (of course!) but he doesn't know her like I do. Us mom's can relate to this. You are just...well...MOM! You know the difference between a whine for the paci or a tired cry. Super mom with your cape on as Sandi says! Say it with me..."SUPER MAMA!!" But if anyone loves her as much as I do it's Daddy so I know she's OK. However, I know it won't be that hard for him. He is patient in ways I am not. Maybe he has more to spare or maybe he isn't being tested by a 5 month old everyday? I don't want his day to be hard without me but I can't help but think the twisted plot in my head where he sees how hard it really can be. Then he rushes home to me and thanks me a 1000 times for everything I do and tells me his job is nothing like my 24/7 job. You know...our "mom fantasy".

So, today I am alone. It's hard for me but I am appreciating my time. As I sit here alone I have a moment to reflect on all the parts of me that are still there but don't come out these days. The glorified version of me that loves to shoot guns, likes to listen to opera, and dances to old rap music (with the tequila shot of course)! Being a mom puts you on the back burner in a way that you don't regret. It is a new reality where being alone isn't a typical day. A reality that has changed me to the core.